Friday, June 22, 2012

Starting Again

It's amazing how life works.  One minute you think you have it down, you are prepared for anything, it's all running smoothly, the next minute you've hit a tipping point.  Your whole world has turned upside down and you have to reinvent yourself.  I believe this is a form of reincarnation. It's that proverbial clean slate that so many people are looking for.  It's a chance to start over, be the person you have been aspiring to be, to make the changes you need to so that your life is much more fulfilling and meaningful.  It's exactly in that place that I find myself now.

I'm taking the reigns again.  It's been 13 years since I've been in a position to map out my life without running it by someone else first.  It's both daunting and exciting to be in control, to have the thought of endless possibilities.  Right now, even though there is so much I could do, I'm in survival mode.  I had to get a job, any job, so that I could pay the rent on my new cabin, pay for my car, put food on the table for me and my daughters, etc.  It's not ideal but then again neither was starting over.  My yoga practice has seen better days and I've gained over 10 pounds from stress and a lack of the physical activity that I'm used to.  I feel a bit like I've lost myself in this process and I'm anxious to get reacquainted with who I've been striving to be for so many years and who I'm discovering I can be if I put my heart and soul in to it.   It's a strange new world and I'm just starting to see all the opportunities that it presents. 

I'm looking to my heart for guidance.  My mind has done nothing but add to the chaos lately so I'm sending it on vacation.  My heart needs to take the lead because it sees things more clearly.  Each time I need to make a decision I'm looking to what feels right in my heart.  I'm telling myself each day that I have the right to be happy, I have the right to be healthy, I have the right to be loved, and I have the right to be me.  If I'm presented with any situations that don't support that I also have the right to say NO.  I'm the one who is choosing the path and that means I get to take any detours I like along the way or site see if I find a place that's worth staying for a while. 

Wish me luck and give me a swell bon voyage!