Saturday, February 25, 2012

Tangled Up In Blue

I have this strange mix of sensations; one of getting ready to explode from the starting line and one of being tied up in a knot, unable to move.   It's as if I have been spending all my time in bound Parivrtta Parsvakonasana (  Yoga Journal, 2012)  This posture is taken by standing in a runners lunge, twisting the torso toward the front inner thigh, reaching the lower arm outside the front leg and under the torso while reaching the upper arm behind the back and clasping the hands together.  Such extreme feelings and yet they are both at the forefront of my being.  The time is coming for me to make some decisions in my life.  "Where do I want to be?"  "What do I want to do?"  "How do I get to those places?"  Those questions though are the least of my worries.  The most important question is "Who do I want to be?"  Do I want to be the person who idly watches their life float by or to do I want to be the person who controls their destiny?  I guess the way to get to that answer is by working on the other questions first. 

I have it within my own power to make external choices.  Those choices in turn effect who I am as a person.  While there is no doubt so much more than those external things that make me who I am, the choices are the clear and tangible sign to myself and those around me what I stand for.  

I am making choices that can change my life from this day on.  These are not easy choices, but are ones which impact my family as a whole.  Precisely because of this fact is the reason I feel tied up in a knot.  I'm not the only one who will feel the effect of my decisions.  That is what keeps holding me back, but I can't just keep saying "I don't know".  I have to confirm what I feel and follow through on my thoughts with action.  That's the only way I'll ever undo the knots and make my way out of the starting gate into this next phase in my life.  

Every choice that you make has the ability to set you free or bind you where you are.  There are choices I have made in the past that have bound me down and there are those that have let me loose.  I can only hope that the choices I make now will be there right ones for me at this time. 

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