This End Up

We made it.  We got to Salt Lake without a hitch, thank goodness!  But this was only the day of travel, the rest of the week was a roller coaster of emotion.  I felt completely overwhelmed at some points and excited at the prospect of new adventure at others.  Once all the tasks were complete I did feel a sense of relief and some peace.  It was hard to say good-bye to our friends and lots of tears were shed.  I would be lying if I said last week did not take a toll on me.  My body is exhausted, my mind equally so and my heart needs some time to heal.

Now that we're here I'm not sure what to do.  This week we're in a state of limbo while we wait to move into our house.  We're living out of suitcases and while it could just seem like we're on any normal summer vacation we're not.  Our things and my car don't come until Friday when we move into the house.  I have the most random crap packed in my suitcase because there's stuff I found once the movers drove off with all the boxes.  I had to go on a search and rescue last night for dog food (specialty brand not carried by your run of the mill pet store) and sturdy shoes to hike around in (I managed to pack sneakers for the girls and not for myself).  We're camped out on mattresses in the middle of Mark's apartment borrowed from the owner of the house.  It's all a little topsy-turvy.

It can be a bit chaotic in a new place so the pose this week is Salamba Sirsasana or headstand (http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/178 Yoga Journal, 2011).  I feel like my life is a bit upside down so in order to see things from the right perspective I need to go upside down too.  Not only does the dristhi (http://www.thesecretsofyoga.com/Ashtanga/Dristhi.html The Secrets of Yoga, 2011) change outside the body but the focus must also change inside.  I must let go of what I see beyond myself and look within to find my balance.  The whole body must be engaged to find one's center of gravity when upside down.  I can't just power through mind over matter, I must find that power deep inside me.  The arms need to push the earth away so that I'm light on my head.  Core muscles need to hug the internal organs keeping them safe inside my torso and aiding the extension my spine.  The legs must energetically extend skyward to keep from crumbling down.  This is not always an easy pose even under the most ideal conditions.  To do this pose free form with no support is a testament of strength, endurance and focus.  While I no doubt have support from friends, family and most importantly my husband and daughters, I need to find the balance all on my own.  My dristhi must be turned inward and my body is to be the vessel that contains it all.