Sunday, September 18, 2011
There's a fine line between being excited and manic, being assertive and aggressive, being brave and reckless. I feel like I'm always walking the line. It's like being on a tightrope, one wrong step and you're over the edge, falling and hoping you make it out alive. It's hard when you are in the midst of reestablishing yourself in a new community, to know where exactly that line exists. In MD it was easy because I knew all the boundaries. I knew who I could cut loose with and who I should be conservative around, here not so much. I have made friends with a couple of neighborhood moms and I'm starting to know where I stand with them but now that I'm starting to meet other parents at the girls' school I am still hesitant about just how "me" I can be. Sometimes I like to be raucous and rowdy, will they think I'm a loud mouth? Sometimes I am quiet and observant, will they think I'm a snob? I'm not living in a big fancy 3500 sq ft mountain house, will they think I'm not good enough to be their friend? I teach yoga and help women have their babies, will they think I'm too crunchy earthy hippie? In the grand scheme of things it's not like I truly care either way but it's still hard when you're unsure of just where the boundaries lay.
No matter what others think of me and where my place ends up being in this community I will always stay true to "me". I'm a dancing queen! I like to kick up my heels and have a good time. I like to sing at the top of my lungs when I love the song. Most importantly I love to laugh. I hope that the people I meet here can see this about me.
Since the move I have been lucky enough to see friends who have known me for a very long time. Some have known me since high school, some have known me since Americorps, some have known me since my single party girl days, but all of them have held on to their appreciation for all that I was, am and always will be. For this I am truly grateful! Now I get to make my way into new friendships that will no doubt continue on into my old age. I am excited for these new people to get to know me. I can't wait to make new friends to dance, giggle and share stories with.
The opportunities are coming fast and furious for this to happen. I got the job at Deer Valley Resort and while it doesn't start until December 1st I will meet some new people there and most likely make some great friends. I have met some other moms at the girls' school and have already begun to establish a great friendship with one mom in particular. I have gotten closer to two neighborhood moms and we are now hanging out socially as well as in the 'hood. The doors are opening and I'm shimmying and shaking right on through doing what I do best, meeting new people and making new friends.
My practice this week is dedicated to me and my social personality. I'm dancing my way through my practice and indeed through my life. Natarajasana or Dancer pose (http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/936 Yoga Journal, 2011) is hard to do. The pose is done standing on one foot while holding the other extended behind you, this in and of itself is challenging. Then you have to reach the other hand for the sky while kicking your lifted foot upward and back, this makes the chest open and the heart shines forward. It's like being a ballerina just without the pirouetting and plies-ing. It takes grace and confidence. These are two characteristics that I think I have, even when I'm guffawing at myself because I've tripped over my own feet. After all it takes grace and confidence to be able laugh at yourself and get on with life. This is the most important part of me that I want those I'm inviting into my life to be aware of.