Monday, September 17, 2012


Why is it so challenging to self affirm?  Why do negative words come so easily when said to ourselves?  Most of us keep ourselves in check when we feel the need to say something negative to someone else so why do we say such nasty things to ourselves.  We all give support to others in need so freely but often we deny ourselves the same.   We look for the good in others but are often blind to what is good within us. 

For the past couple of months I have not been verbally kind to myself.  I have told myself that I can't: get a good job, make enough money to support my family, advance myself socially and professionally.  I've also told myself that I don't: matter, have the strength to carry on, have the the experience and talent to make something of myself in this stage of my life. I have even told myself that I'm not: good enough, smart enough, capable enough.  Why exactly do I do that to myself?  This self sabotage is ridiculous!  I can't expect to be, do and have the things I want when I'm the one who's keeping all those things distant.

I was given an assignment of sorts by my therapist who is helping me through my divorce.  She told me to go home and write down ten or more things that I appreciate about myself.  They can be attributes I have or actions I embody.  At first I thought ten would be easy, no sweat I can totally come up with that, but then I sat down to start the list and I was challenged once again by all those negative thoughts about myself.  For every one positive thing I came up with at least five negative things accompanied it.  As I progressed with my list it became easier to think of positive things while not having so many negative thoughts sprouting up.

 So far I've come up with fifteen things I see in myself.  They are:
*able to adjust easily
*capable (this came up after I took my dryer door off and dismantled it so that I could attache it to open the other way)
*coordinated (in terms of athletic and physical activity)
*good with kids 

I'm sure with more time and focus I could come up with some more but this will do for now.  It's funny how this small list with positive qualities has made me feel better already.  Now the idea is for me to incorporate them into my daily self talk.  There is no need for negative words to be scuttling around in my head and heart.  I am a good, kind and loving person to those around me and it is imperative that I be good, kind and loving to myself. 

From now on it's only I can, I do, and I am...

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